I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We had sex on a dog bed..
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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