By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
