i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just blew my weed a kiss
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I could fuck to npr.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
