so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
