none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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