I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
