North Korea, Best Korea!
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
