I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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