i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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