We named our party play list daddy issues
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
