Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Also, beer. Big fan.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
