We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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