Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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