that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
