i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
