This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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