I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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