He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
