stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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