And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
