I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
