my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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