I wish I could teleport
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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