at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize