Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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