You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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