The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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