If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
...so i touched it.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
