when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
