i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize