All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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