Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize