I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
