Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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