If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
