How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
