Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I believe in your delicious
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
