At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
