i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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