mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
