i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
sex in a hospital.. check
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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