he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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