I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
