So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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