Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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