i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
