can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize