All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
