As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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