Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
