oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
