Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
