the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
