..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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