her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
