Soap is not a condiment
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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