pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i've created a new STD.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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