id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
