yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
