Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
