Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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