My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
