i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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