meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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