jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize