When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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