I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize