You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
