i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
