you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
you are never too drunk for berry picking
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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