peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
