Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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