i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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