Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
