Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
