My room smells like vodka and shame
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
