the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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