Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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