Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
