you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
