i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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